How to Choose a Coach Without Getting Burned
A practical guide to choosing a qualified professional who's the right fit for you
02/09/2026
The coaching industry is booming, which is both a blessing and a curse.
On one hand, coaching has helped millions of people change their lives, heal deeply, and gain greater clarity, confidence, and purpose. On the other, coaching is an unregulated profession. Anyone can call themselves a coach, set a high price, and start working with clients tomorrow regardless of their training, experience, or capacity to safely hold someone through real change.
If you’ve ever felt disappointed, confused, or even harmed by a coaching experience, or if you’re currently vetting a coach and want to be sure you make the right choice, then read on.
My intention here is simple: I want to give you a clear framework for choosing a coach who is ethical, skilled, and genuinely equipped to support you, so you don’t waste your investment or, worse, walk away more dysregulated or traumatized than when you started.
Why Choosing the Right Coach Matters
Coaching isn’t just about goal setting or positive thinking. Most coaching programs will explore deep-seated aspects of being, including:
Identity
Belief systems
Emotional patterns
Nervous system responses
Attachment dynamics
Subconscious conditioning
A coach can either help you rewrite old patterns safely, or unintentionally reinforce shame, bypass trauma, or push you past your capacity.
When someone doesn’t know what they’re doing, the damage isn’t always obvious at first. Coaching clients often blame themselves thinking:
“Maybe I didn’t put in enough effort.”
“Maybe I’m unfixable.”
“Maybe I wasn’t coachable.”
However, in reality, the issue is often poor training, weak boundaries, or a lack of trauma awareness on the coach’s part. So how do you know who's the real deal? Read on for my tips for vetting your next coach.
1. Be Wary of Coaches Who Promise Results Without Context
If a coach guarantees outcomes like ‘overcome anxiety in 30 days’ or ‘heal your trauma for good,’ or tells you, “If it doesn’t work, you didn’t want it badly enough,” that’s a red flag.
Humans are not machines. Healing and change depend on many variables, including your history, current stress load, support system, and capacity for integration. An ethical coach understands this and will offer a process, safe environment, and sustainable pace and progression to support your unique journey, rather than flashy one-size-fits-all promises.
A good coach will:
Speak in probabilities, not guarantees
Emphasize collaboration, not hierarchy
Acknowledge that the client sets the pace and agenda, not the coach
2. Ask About Their Qualifications and Pay Attention to Their Response
Because coaching isn’t regulated, their title tells you little about the individual’s credentials. It is important to understand whether your coach has the qualifications and training to support you in achieving your desired outcomes.
While there isn’t one specific certification that qualifies someone as a “good coach” they do need real training that matches the depth of the work they offer.
If someone is working with trauma, anxiety, emotional regulation, relationships, or subconscious change, their training should extend beyond a weekend workshop on mindset coaching or motivational frameworks.
I would advise you to ask:
What modalities they’re trained in
How long they’ve studied them
Whether they’ve worked with similar issues before
A grounded coach will answer clearly and without defensiveness.
3. Listen for Spiritual or Psychological Bypassing
One of the most common ways coaches cause harm to their clients is through bypassing.
This sounds like:
“You just need to think positive”
“You’re attracting this because of your vibration”
“If you were healed, this wouldn’t bother you”
These statements may sound empowering and make you eager to change, but they often invalidate real emotions and nervous system responses. In order to transform, you must first accept where you’re at right now with compassion and clarity.
A skilled coach will not rush you to abandon your humanity.
Instead, they'll help you:
Stay present with difficult emotions from a position of safety
Understand and retrain your patterns to better support you
Work with your body, not against it
Growth is not a process of becoming. It’s a process of remembering. It does not require self-abandonment. It is a homecoming.
4. Notice How Your Body Feels Around Them
This is one of the most overlooked, yet most important indicators. Trust your gut.
Ask yourself:
Do I feel more open or more contracted after interacting with this person?
Do I feel pressured to commit quickly?
Do I feel intimidated or “lesser than” in their presence?
Or do I feel seen, respected, and grounded?
A good coach doesn’t rely on urgency, fear, or pedestal dynamics to enroll clients. They trust that the right people will feel a genuine resonance and sense of safety and trust.
5. Ethical Coaches Have Boundaries (And Encourage Yours)
Be cautious if a coach:
Positions themselves as your only source of support
Discourages therapy when it’s clearly needed
Oversteps personal boundaries
Makes you feel dependent on them for regulation or validation
Strong coaches want you to become empowered and self-sufficient, not attached.
They understand when to:
Refer out
Slow things down
Adjust the approach
Or acknowledge when something is outside their scope
Any of these actions are a sign of integrity, not weakness or shortcoming.
6. Experience and Integration Matter More Than Hype
Many well-known coaches are excellent marketers, but have they integrated their teachings into their own life?
A good coach is a life-long learner, dedicated to their own self-development, who has walked their own path of healing and transformation. They likely have their own coaches and therapists who support them so that they can hold space for clients without transference or projection.
Look for someone who:
Emphasizes embodiment and integration
Helps you apply insights to your daily life
Is willing to meet you wherever you’re at in your journey
Recommends other resources to support you in your growth
Final Thoughts: You’re Allowed to Be Discerning
Choosing a coach is an investment, not just financially, but emotionally and psychologically as well. The right coach can guide you expertly to greater well-being, while the wrong coach can set you back in personal growth and confidence.
I encourage you to:
Take your time
Ask questions
Trust your intuition
Walk away if something doesn’t feel right
An experienced coach will respect your discernment, rather than being offended by it. They will want what’s best for you above all else.
If you’re ready to get started on your coaching journey, I’m here to help. Schedule a free clarity call to see whether I can support you in achieving your desired outcomes.
